Jymesion
2/9/2014 11:43:00 PM
On 08 Feb 2014 01:37:00 +0100, A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org (A. Tina Hall)
wrote:
><noreplies@jymes.com> wrote:
>> I do that in dialogue to reference things impractical/impossible to
>> show.
>
>Can't you put it in a thought instead? It's the same situation as far
>below the thought about making money which I thought interrupts the
>flow. Backround info.
He'd be thinking it, and the story is her pov.
Also, I'm adamant about not using 'tell' in narration, and thoughts
are kind of a border region between dialogue and narration.
>> It's a reference to Bilbo Baggins.
>
>Do they know that story in your story?
Could they have a similar story, in the same way that stories of a
great flood and a lone survivor come from many cultures?
>In one of my stories people keep talking about the real world (theirs),
>as opposed to the one some can view with a special talent (now and then
>implied to be ours in a hopefully obvious way).
Yeah, I got the even from that snippet you posted, and I wondered how
that plays out.
>> Mainly that it's an object of great power which whores itself out to
>> anyone who wields it.
>
>Ah. Didn't quite hit the mark then with me.
Thanks. I suspect it was one of those things that my conscious mind
was saying: we need this, and this, and this. My writing is much
better when my conscious mind shuts up.
>> I don't see it interrupting the flow. It's leading into it.
>
>But it's in the middle of the conversation!
I must have misunderstood what you meant. I was going off the 'you
want to get rich' of the first line.
>Well, insert the words 'nasty', 'sadistic', and similar somewhere in the
>description of this old guy. He laughs at naivety, and employs it to
>charm people so he can jump on them with a nasty surprise and enjoy them
>being hurt, including children. Once he did what the girl here was
>warned of he just sees her as his new toy.
The Steward in my story is sort of like that.
"What do you mean to do to us?" Alis asked, still clutching Lina's
hand.
"In truth, I am not sure. It would be easy enough to kill you." He
paused, thinking for a moment. "Too easy. Long ago I made sport of
killing brave men and drinking their blood, but like all games played
too often, it lost its thrill. Although you've shown mettle at times,
I fear your blood is too pale and weak to rekindle those fires." He
stabbed the dagger into the top of the desk. "I could lock you away in
my dungeons and gloat over your pain, but there are so many people
down there, that joy weakens every day. I am not sure what to do with
you." He smiled. When his lips parted, smoke curled around yellow
fangs. "But I can assure you it will be interesting."